United States – A woman shares her emotional struggle with a toxic mother-in-law who has been disrespectful and insulting for six years, leading her to make the difficult decision to skip major holiday events such as Thanksgiving and Christmas.
While her husband plans to attend the family gatherings, she wonders if her boundary-setting means abandoning him and faces questions about balancing self-care and family loyalty.
Years of Disrespect and Unresolved Tensions
The woman, who has been married for six years, describes a long history of her mother-in-law’s hurtful behavior that includes public insults, questioning her mother-in-law’s struggles with mental health and substance abuse. Despite efforts to avoid conflict and even a direct conversation last October, the mother-in-law continued to dismiss her concerns and maintained a hostile attitude.
- The mother-in-law has insulted the woman repeatedly, including calling her “devilish” during an encounter earlier this year.
- She has shown no interest in building a meaningful relationship, evidenced by not even knowing her sisters’ names at the wedding.
- The woman’s attempts to set boundaries have been ignored, and her husband has not defended her, leading to numerous conflicts between the couple.
“For all six years, I’ve let her disrespect me to my face in front of others, and no one takes up for me,” she writes, highlighting her feeling of abandonment within her own family.
Choosing Boundaries Over Toxicity During the Holidays
After a recent family hardship — learning about her father’s cancer diagnosis — the woman feels even more vulnerable and emotionally fragile, leading her to opt for no contact with her mother-in-law since March. This decision extends to major family holidays, traditionally times for togetherness but now viewed by her as occasions for potential mistreatment.
- She feels the need to protect her mental health by skipping Thanksgiving and Christmas gatherings with her mother-in-law’s side of the family.
- Her husband plans to attend but struggles to stand up to his mother, citing his own trauma.
- The woman worries about feeling guilty but emphasizes that her self-preservation is essential.
“Part of me feels bad like I’m abandoning him, but I feel abandoned in the fact that he has never stood up to her when she is insulting me in front of our faces,” she explains.
Public Support and Perspectives on Setting Boundaries
Community reactions, such as comments from Reddit and advice platforms, generally support the woman’s choice to maintain distance from toxic family dynamics. One commenter reassured her by saying:
“NTA – You’ve endured six years of insults, tried to set boundaries, and your husband won’t defend you, skipping toxic family events is self-preservation, not abandonment.”
One user wrote:
“Your husband needs therapy. I don’t say that in a mean way, I say because he needs help dealing with his trauma from a professional. He can’t process what you’re feeling because to him that is normal behavior from his mother.
NTA, do what you have to do to protect yourself.”
This sentiment reflects a growing recognition of the importance of mental health and boundaries within family relationships, especially when past interactions have been long-lasting and harmful.
What This Means for Families Facing Similar Situations
The case highlights the complex dynamics many families face around holiday gatherings and ongoing conflict, particularly when one party refuses to change or take accountability. Experts suggest:
- Assessing the personal impact of toxic relationships on emotional well-being.
- Establishing clear boundaries and communicating openly with partners about expectations.
- Recognizing that avoiding harmful situations is a legitimate form of self-care, not abandonment.
What do you think about setting firm boundaries during family holidays? Have you ever had to skip a family event for your own well-being? Share your thoughts in the comments below!
